Some people are unhappy in their marriages but feel a strong aversion to filing for divorce. They may view it as an admission of culpability and would therefore prefer to let their spouse be the one to file. They may remain trapped in an unhappy marriage and wishing for freedom while waiting to see how long it will take their spouse to initiate divorce proceedings.
If someone has determined that their marriage is already beyond saving, then taking the lead and choosing to be the one who files the initial divorce paperwork may actually be a very beneficial approach. These are some of the positive aspects of being the spouse who initiates the divorce process.
Getting to choose the timing
Someone can’t control when their spouse files, which means that a vindictive individual might choose someone’s birthday or another date with significant meaning to an individual. One spouse could also intentionally file at a time when they know someone will have a lot of pressure, such as at the beginning of August while married to a teacher who must prepare for the back-to-school season. Those who take the initiative and file have control over when the matter goes to court, which can reduce the stress that one spouse might cause the other through pennies vindictiveness.
Having a chance to prepare
Those facing divorce may feel blindsided when their spouse files even if they knew their marriage was unhappy. They may have to wait for their spouse to cooperate if they need financial records or other important paperwork. Those who choose to file on their own are in a better position to gather the financial and household records that they will need to push for an appropriate outcome to divorce proceedings. They can make copies of crucial documents and put together a very thorough inventory of assets before taking the matter to family court.
Instead of waiting for someone else to take action, many people find it empowering to be the one who chooses when to initiate a divorce. Recognizing the benefits of controlling certain aspects of the dissolution process may help people make smarter choices during what can be a challenging and very emotional time in their lives.